back by popular demand

Last night I went to my Aikido class for the first time in nearly a year. I kinda had to surprise myself with the idea, no big lead up, just had nothing better to do last night and I didn't want to watch a movie.

It was a good class. I got a big hug from Charles when I got there and most people, the ones I really knew from before, were really glad to see me; all asking where I had been and what I was up to. I was really happy to see Ron, as he was one of the last people I talked to before I took my break, and was the one who suggested that I take some serious time off, that it might give me some perspective.

Jojo taught last night. Actually, part of the reason I went last night was the fact that it was Wednesday, and Tama Sensei wouldn't be teaching. I'm not quite ready to deal with her, yet. It was also nice that the majority of the people I wanted to avoid weren't there. Handy that. Maybe Life is easing me back into it as well. Thank you.

It really was a good class. So good that after buying just a drop in pass for the night, I got a month pass after class. It will be fun/interesting to get myself back into it.

Of course, all my old concerns are still rolling around in my head. Like how people train; do I really want to be a member of this style of Aikido; is that really important to me anyways; how do I train with the people I don't trust; am I rally just wasting my time; how much effort should I put into this; how much of the Japanese culture do I want to assimilate; etc.

I just remember trying so hard before, and being so incredibly disappointed. I guess I will have to find a new way to practice, an new mind to bring to class. It feels like I will need to bring a more selfish mind, that to protect myself, I will need to hold back from some people, and some things, so I won't build up my expectation and not disappoint myself again. I will have to let go of my expectations of other in their relationships with me, and their attitudes and opinions of Aikido. I must remember that everyone has a different experience of Aikido and hears a different lesson in each class.

Yeah, sure. Wish me luck with that.